Have you ever heard of the song 'Major Love' by Bipolar Sunshine? Or 'Good as Hell' by Lizzo? If not you should deffo give them a listen. Preferably while you read this post, but it's your choice.
So I 'suffer' from bipolar II disorder. Although, personally I prefer to say I live with it, 'suffer' sounds so negative. I suppose at times it is simply that, suffering through every day, minute and hour until those dark clouds clear and that invisible fog begins to lift. At other times it's that feeling of your belly dropping when you're about to race through a massive loop on a rollercoaster, that tingly feeling of exhilaration rushing through your limbs. Those times are great, better than great, you feel like you can do anything your heart desires.
Now, this isn't some big sudden reveal of my dark secret, in fact, I'd probably even say it's one of my superpowers (I have many, just like you). I've actually already been sharing a few of my thoughts and experiences about it on my Instagram.
This post isn't so much about me telling you what bipolar disorder is, as it is about me explaining who my bipolar II is. My bipolar is a part of me. One that I can happily say I have become quite fond of. Sure I still hate it at times, sometimes I'm almost drowned up by a flood of tears in the shower or while I'm making tea. There are days when I can barely get out of bed, days where living another day seems like the cruelest torture. Those days are few and far between, almost impossibly avoided but I can easily handle those. In a weird way I'm actually happy I get to experience both, it can teach you a lot.
It's taught me that I am stronger than some think, myself included. I am allowed to be the happy, loud, bouncy, weird, quirky girl I am whenever I want to be and that is ok. I've felt my fair share of pain, which in some ways has made me more grown-up than I like to think. But I am only 21 years old. I still get to be unsure of who I am or what I want. I can still live my life just as much as any other person my age. I get to make mistakes and some might be ones that people without this disorder will never understand, but guess what? That's ok, too.
Because the biggest thing I have come to accept is that I am not just my bipolar. Just like I am not just Austrian, or just British, or just a creative writer, or just a bit of an airhead. I am all these things and more. I am not just a one-dimensional being and that is so much more than ok, it's actually really great.